all the ways your life has been altered in
the past and realize that not only did you
not keel over and die, things often turned
out for the better.”
Fighting what’s happening just leads to
frustration and keeps you from growing to
your full potential. “When you try to put
your life in a box and keep it the same all
the time, you’re making something dead
out of it,” says Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.,
coauthor of Saying Yes to Change (Hay
House). Welcoming new things can
even be good for your health. “People
who greet what life offers with curiosity
have stronger immune systems and live
longer,” Borysenko adds.
So how do you push past the reluctance and fear? The first step is realizing
that even though you can’t control what
pops up in your life, you can alter how you
react. “When change happens, say yes.
Learn and grow from it,” says Borysenko.
Taking a live-in-the-moment attitude
will help keep you from miring yourself
in what-ifs and should-haves. Another
attitude booster: Think about people
you respect and love who have faced
difficulties head-on and come out
stronger for it. Reflecting on their success will open you to the idea that new
possibilities lie ahead for you, too.
The most important thing to remember, though, is that you already have the
inner resources to make the most out of
anything that comes your way. Bring out
your natural resiliency by taking a look
at how you can deal with six of life’s
most common upheavals.
working right away on things the boss
cares about, you have a better chance of
earning her respect.”
@ejkXek jXe`kp$jXm\i Keep your re-
sume polished and make it a priority to
reach out to all your business contacts,
just in case your boss’s strategic plan in-
cludes making staff cuts.
a bakery that makes the same kind of
croissants you loved back home or a
hobby you enjoy in your spare time.
NEW BOSS
N_p `kËj jZXip Even if you weren’t
that crazy about your old manager, at
least you were familiar with her style. A
newcomer might be more demanding,
less open to ideas or even have a leader-
ship style so alien that your job perfor-
mance is affected.
?fn kf [\Xc Schedule a meeting with
your supervisor shortly after her first
day. “Ask, ‘What are your expectations?
What are the areas that are important to
you?’” says Joel Garfinkle, a career
coach based in California. “If you’re
DIFFERENT TOWN
N_p `kËj jZXip Adjusting to a new
house and finding schools, doctors
and stores—not to mention friends—
is time-consuming, but it’s the emotional tumult of a move that’s the real
stressor. “We don’t realize just how
much of our identity is
tied up in where we live,”
says Cathy Goodwin,
Ph.D., a relocation expert from Seattle and
author of Making the Big
Move (New Harbinger).
?fn kf [\Xc Look at
the move as an adventure requiring research.
“Wherever you go, ask
strangers to tell you
what they love about
the area to get clues
about where you can
start putting down your
own roots,” says Good-
win. Several years ago,
Rebecca Bell Sorensen
had to move unexpectedly from New York to
Minneapolis when her
husband took a new job.
By pushing herself to
talk to people, Rebecca
quickly learned what
the city had to offer.
“The ‘discovery’ attitude definitely worked
for me,” she says.
@ejkXek jXe`kp$jXm\i
Take a short-term class
instead of committing
to a particular social group, and don’t
try to become immediate best friends
with everyone you meet. Each day, look
for little sources of simple comfort, like
MARRIAGE BREAKUP
N_p `kËj jZXip Even if you initiated the
split, or totally agreed to it, the reality
can sometimes feel like you’ve lost a
limb. Habits and daily routines once dic-
tated or influenced by another adult are
now up for grabs. “After my first mar-
riage ended, I felt like I was suddenly
living in a vacuum,” says McCarthy,
who was inspired to write her book
when she realized how much her resis-
tance to new things had tainted not only
her marriage, but also
other relationships.
?fn kf [\Xc Refuse
to let fear or anger
dominate you. “If you’re
caught up in being a
victim, you can’t gain
any kind of wisdom or
take responsibility for
creating your best life,
because part of you is
still locked in the past,”
says Borysenko. “Once
you realize you have
no choice but to
change, many inter-
esting things can start
to happen.” Now’s the
right time to lean on
your support group—
even if you have to invent one first. “I made
a list of all the people
I could call and get
together with,” says
McCarthy. “I felt stronger and safer knowing
I had lots of people I
could turn to.”
@ejkXek jXe`kp$jXm\i
Exploit your new freedom. Try things you’ve
always wanted to do
but couldn’t or didn’t get around to while
you were married. Sign up for a pottery
class, join a hiking club or audition for
a community theater production.
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