Family Circle - January 2009

SERIOUS ILLNESS N_p `kËj jZXip Just getting the flu for a week is disorienting enough. But when big health problems strike, you realize how vulnerable you are and the future no longer seems so certain. When Teme Ring developed chronic fatigue syndrome, her law career was sidelined. Many days, Ring was so exhausted she could barely get out of bed, and she had to cut back on most of the activities she enjoyed with her two sons. “I went from feeling like a Super Mom to feeling like a Pooper Mom,” Ring says. ?fn kf [\Xc Give yourself time to grieve. “We can’t move on until we honor what’s gone,” says Borysenko. “You can’t jump past the fact that you’ve lost your sense of invincibility.” It’s okay to cry and rage; bottled-up emotions will only break through later on, usually at awkward times in embarrassing ways. @ejkXek jXe`kp$jXm\i Clichéd as it sounds, laughter is wonderful medicine. To keep herself in high spirits, Ring read books by writers like Dave Barry and watched old Saturday Night Live sketches and variety shows on cable. Embracing her love for the stage, she even took a stand-up comedy class, which taught her more about the power of seeing the bright side. “As often possible I ask myself, ‘What’s funny about this?’” she says. “I’m not always able to find something, but when I can, it builds my strength for the times I can’t.”

ELDERLY PARENTS N_p `kËj jZXip When one or both parents become dependent, you have to take on heavy responsibilities, from assessing their daily needs to managing their money. If you opt to care for a parent at home, it’s a stressful, round-the-clock job; if you choose a care facility, you may feel guilty. The emotional impact of the role-reversal is devastating too: You’re no longer the little girl relying on her mom and dad for comfort. ?fn kf [\Xc Surround yourself with as much professional and personal support as possible. Monica Corton, whose elderly parents live miles from her New

York City home, hired a care manager who advises her on major decisions about her parents, and a team of nurses, therapists and aides for the daily tasks. Then, says Monica, “I just keep moving forward, telling myself I’m doing the best I can and that there’s no point in second-guessing myself.” But while you’re eliminating guilt, you do need to acknowledge your sadness, says Alexis Abramson, author of The Caregivers’ Survival Handbook (Perigree Books). The best antidote? “Focus on being grateful for the time you have with your parents, even though it’s sometimes difficult,” she advises.

@ejkXek jXe`kp$jXm\i Forget about being a martyr. “Get plenty of rest, make time for some exercise, and avoid self-medicating with junk food,” says Abramson. “In addition, don’t neglect your other important relationships any more than you absolutely have to.”

JOB SWITCH N_p `kËj jZXip As exciting as it is to launch a fresh career—especially if you were eager to leave your old one—it’s still easy to feel that new-kid insecurity and worry that you might not be up to the challenge. “The first 90 days of a job can be very intense,” says Garfinkle. “New hires feel they have to learn everything instantly.” ?fn kf [\Xc Boost your self-confidence and gain a reputation as a smart worker by tackling small projects that can be done easily and well. Start building relationships with colleagues you like and think you can trust. And count on the fact that you’ll feel more comfortable and competent after that initial three-month trial period. @ejkXek jXe`kp$jXm\i Write down your feelings without stopping to edit them, then put the paper away. After three days, go back and read it, jot down anything that’s changed, and put it away again. Three days later, reread the paper—then shred it. “That sends your subconscious mind the powerful message that you’re adapting and moving on,” says McCarthy. M